Mental Masterbation

Does God hear our prayers? If he hears does he answer our prayers??

Its confusing, when I trust in God so much and devoted life in service of God. I had a very strong relationship with God all this while, until life’s uncertainty of endless troubles caught me off guard. The only hope was clinging to my belief that God does help. Everything was lost most of the loved ones, friends disappeared, and money exhausted, health issues, problems coming upon my near & dear ones.

I was fully loaded with distraught and emotional instability. To throw out all the tensions and worries I could only think of one thing, “Prayer”, I guess it’s like mental masturbation. One feels good after prayer.

All the worries comes to standstill, tensions move out of the mind and emotionally one gets some relieve.

This keeps off my mental trauma soothed for next few hours or probably some minutes until once again. The issues are running in my mind like a big traffic jam, it seems like everything around me even though if it’s good is not necessarily right. All the wrong around me are never in any kinds of troubles, if they are in some sort of trouble the wrongs know their way out. I question my trust in God after a long battle with fate and destiny. I already told myself that maybe God is testing me, so I will endure the trauma, pass all the tests. But everyone around me was happy and without any troubles. Maybe they do have troubles but don’t mention it. But they never had spiritual relationship with God, atleast for the some I know. They didn’t even think prayer was needed, yet life was party for them. They had good jobs, cars, jewellery, money, entertainment and PS3. Where did I go wrong? I was always on lookout to reach the needy and trying to live my life according to the scriptures / Bible. Every move or every decision or every action was observed minutely if I was doing things Biblically. We would all pray together, glorify God together, praise and worship and do social service. Now I ask what does God expect from me, what should we been doing so that we don’t deserve sorrows.

Or maybe it’s the poor mans belief of consolation to his mind that, “Look you are Gods children so endure the suffering and pain. You will have your rewards in heaven”. When God is the creator and savior then why do we need to get into troubles on earth as Gods children? Now I look back to the topic of Jesus Christ coming and saving us from our sins and dying on cross to sacrifice as lamb for our sins. So I think whatever happened from the beginning of the creation, original sin, all other sins and all sins to come have already been forgiven through Lord Jesus Christ. Its seems like things are pretty much squared off after Jesus’ resurrection. Then why do the children of God, people who think they are saved and repented for the sins are still facing wrath. Wrath by whom?

I look for answers and then one pastor takes me through the book of Job. All the suffering and sorrows, pains etc., I know that story, isn’t that the Old Testament. The New Testament says something otherwise, about forgiveness, born again, salvation, love and repentence. I don’t see God as he was angry in the Old Testament in the New Testament. Offcourse the story of Job gives me some comfort. But that doesn’t mean that I suffer and the bad people or evil people still enjoy and live without the same sufferings. Then I consider the starved children of many nations who are dying even before the age of two, now I don’t understand why they need to suffer. Oh when I compare the sufferings of people in Africa, I guess the story of Job looks amateur compared to them. Maybe the story of Job is like a soothing lesson or parable for these sufferers so that they identify, “look that’s exactly how God tested Job”. So what happens for the rich, the bad and the evil. Will they continue to live life uninterrupted with troubles?

I have many disagreements and grievances with God, many queries to be asked him. But then I think who I am to question Gods judgment and decisions. Whatever his plans he knows it best. I spread my arms, close my eyes, bow down, fall on my feet and start praying again to throw out all that stupid thoughts that come to my mind during times of troubles. I feel good, I think I am talking to God even though I am not sure. But later on I get some little help from some expected people around me in small installments. I guess I really relieved after praying and discharging those doubts of unbelief from my mind. I do not wish to offend God after all these years of strong relationship with him. The sufferings will only make me grow stronger and fight on the grounds of spiritual battlefield. Its better I believe in God despite all problems because one fine day I might have to stand in front of him before I enter the gates of heaven rather then not believing and then standing in front of him and regretting , “Oh shit why didn’t I believe in him”. We take so many silly risks which is not worth it , why cant I take this risk of trusting in God I know death is inevitable but heaven?

Thanks to all that mental masturbation – prayer

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